Fate
All my life I’ve always believed in God and something greater than myself. I always felt that although I don’t know which direction to go that I just had to move and that there are efforts beyond our own that keep us motion. I recall one day in specific that this was made overly apparent. It was raining heavily and I was on my way back from work heading out to house not quite home; it was my cousins house and I was house sitting while they were out of town. I was on the expressway which at the time seemed like a good idea however, that changed in a blink of an eye. While driving I hit a small edge in the road, which sent my car veering towards the guardrail or at least the ending of it because not 10 feet further there was a 15 ft drop into a ditch below. With all of my strength I wrestled the steering wheel in the same direction as the skid and barely managed to change direction of my car in time. However things were far from over.
Now, I was fishtailing like flag waving during a hurricane and doing everything possible to not hit something as the millions of streetlights zoomed right on by. Seconds later I was hit with a small wave of relief; the swerves were lessening and it appeared that I would soon regain control of my car however, that was just a fleeting fancy. Without warning my car did a complete 360, I remembered in great detail the six headlight beams blinding me as I faced them for only a second as I spun for another two complete turns. At this point it seemed like I had been fishtailing for hours and frankly I was just getting fed up and annoyed. I just wanted to hit something and be done with it; my prayers were answered as I slid into the median however luckily I the thick doughy like mud stopped my car before I hit the divider itself.
After being at a stop for a minute or so and realizing that my car was more or less in pristine condition I had a realization; I had just made it through what most would call a horrifying experience and came out completely unharmed. I believe that fate was in the rain that night and that no matter what direction I was going I was meant to get there.
posted by Tom D. at
5:00 PM
4 Comments:
Hi Tom. "I believe that fate was in the rain" is beautiful, poetic phrasing! Closing a story with some element of poetic technique can really work to build closure and emotional resonance, just as you've done here. Thanks for sharing this important personal story; I could imagine this was a terrifying experience and I'm glad to hear you are alright! I also enjoyed reading your "About Me" and the claim that you are two people. If you think about it, we change in relation to almost everyone we know or can change depending on environment; in that way, we are all plural. I look forward to reading more of your work... enjoy the course!
Hello. It is nice to meet you and to read your first essay. I like the circular form, in that you begin with your idea of faith and end with your perception of fate, thereby linking the two. I also like your detail in describing the action of the moment. I am very familiar with the skidding on ice phenomenon, and you captured it well.
I would look at a few moments of redundancy in your essay. If you look closely for repeated words, or very similar ideas that fall closely together, it will tighten up the story and make the plotline flow more effortlessly. For example, your first sentence:
“All my life I’ve always”
The “all” and the “always” communicate the same idea, so you don’t need both.
You also use the word “however” more than once, and while it can be a useful word, when it shows up multiple times over a small span of words, it can draw a little too much attention to itself.
I would also look at your comma use, especially in your longer sentences. If you have used the word “and” in the middle of a long sentence, it should probably have a comma in front of it, depending on the clause following the “and”. Also, there are a few moments in the text where it seems like you have forgotten to include an important word or two. Example:
“…there are efforts beyond our own that keep us motion.”
You should have the word “in” after the word “us” here.
Other than the need for some careful editing for these things, I quite enjoyed the essay’s plot progression and your descriptions of the event.
Hey,
I can definitely tell that you have thought about this intense moment more than once in your life. As beautiful as many of your phrases are, especially towards the end, I found the poetic jargin flowing in and out of the story. It seemed as though you put more effort in certain parts of the narrative than in others. At times, you use a compelling sense of vocabulary and at others, you use vague words such as "something." I believe that if you work on these couple tips, you will have an even better story to tell next time. Also, I noticed several typo's and grammatical errors, so be careful and proof-read before publishing your pieces. Other than that, great piece and I look forward to your next one!
Hi Tom, sorry for the late comment.
Your scene was very dramatic, it includid very ggod detail of what you were going through in that very moment. It almost seem unreal that everything turned out ok. But i'm glad that it did. I didn't see many errors just few grammatical things here and there that you can watch out for next time. Over all it was great.
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